What is Codependency?

In Co-Dependents Anonymous, there is no specific definition of codependency. The only requirement for membership is the desire for healthy, loving relationships.
Co-Dependents Anonymous offers a list of common characteristics for self-assessment that are categorized in five main patterns: denial, low self-esteem, compliance, control, and avoidance.
Read the complete list of Patterns and Characteristics.

Within this list, we may identify with one or more of the characteristics that show up in our own lives.
In CoDA, we learn that we are not alone. We each find the strength to live a new way of life and by using the tools of recovery, we are able to develop and maintain appropriate boundaries, create healthy relationships, and develop my authentic self.

Some of these characteristics include:

• Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling.

• Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.

• Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.

• Value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own.

• Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

• Place a higher value on other’s opinions and feelings and are afraid to express differing viewpoints or feelings.

• Freely offer advice and direction without being asked.

• Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.

• Judge harshly what others think, say, or do.

• Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships.

– From Am I Codependent?